i was at the floor meeting in residence tonight and i had alot of thoughts swirling around in my head, most of which was unformed and incoherent, at least as of yet, but there was one thing that seemed to stick out above the rest and has been something that has invaded my thoughts for some time. This is not something, however, that i have tried to work through before, so i will try to gather my thoughts now, though they will probly continue to develop for awhile after this.
it has to do mainly with worship, specifically communal worship with other believers, as i am in no place to comment on a person's worship outside of this setting(apart from my own). one of the things that i have wrestled with is whether or not as believers, we are authentically worshipping God in these times, and for that matter what does that even look like?
This has become an issue to me because it is something that i have been examining and adjusting in my own life recently and i have started to observe those around me a little bit. I came to the realization recently that more often than not in times of communal worship i would just sing the songs probably more out of habit than anything, while my mind wandered elsewhere and was not at all paying attention to what i was supposed to be doing. and even in those moments when i really did feel like i was into it and truly praising God, i realized that though my heart was temporarily in the right place, i paid little attention to what it was i was actually singing, what words were coming out of my mouth. i resolved to start actually examining these songs and paying attention to what they are saying and whether or not that is something i can sing, or am even interested in singing. that has translated into a couple of different things for me in my own worship life right now. I tend to do one of two things, sometimes both at the same time. one of these things is just to not sing, but rather sit back and listen to what is being sung. This has allowed me to examine, like i said earlier, whether or not these words truly express me and my thoughts, faith, etc.. I basically enter into a time of reflection and interaction with the song being sung and more importantly with God and my relationship with him. In doing this I have felt closer and more connected with God in these times (and this is every time, not just once in awhile)than i ever have before. The other thing i have started to do is just listen to the music, and simply ignore the words at times. To me, this is almost always a pure form of worship, because regardless of what the words are saying, the music has been written and is being performed by people using their talents to create beautiful music with the purpose of glorifying God. I was at a large worship event recently put on by my school and throughout the whole night the music was magnificent, and especially at the end in the last couple of songs. One of the guitar players started playing a mandolin and the worship band played some twangy upbeat fun songs, and while they were playing, you could just see the sheer happiness and joy that these musicians were getting from playing this music(especially the mandolin player), and to me, that was one of the most magnificent displays of worship i have seen. God gave these people a gift and a passion, and they are passionately using it in return to offer up praises to God. It's beautiful.
Part of this side of things - that is listening to the music as worship - has included listening and watching other people as they worship. The congregational singing, when listened to, can add so much to the music and make it that much better, and when you can spot someone in the crowd who is so deeply moved by the music and is pouring themselves out in the act of worship, there is something special about that. The unfortunate side of doing this is that what i see in observing others during worship is that alot of people do not seem to really enter into worship and rather sing just cause it's what you do when you go to church. Like i was until recently, they are reading the words and singing the songs without making any actual connection to God, while their minds are wandering, concentrating on something else (this is a generalization to an extent...certainly not everyon is like this). This makes me sad to see, because in my mind it is essentially contradictory to the whole purpose of worship. Rather than spending 15 or 20 minutes in commune with their lord, offering up to him what he most righteously deserves and is most worthy of, people spend that time thinking about something they have to do later that day, or thinking about the funny faces/manerisms some members of the people on stage have while they play and sing, or whatever it is, point being, they are doing the opposite of what that time is meant for.
To this end, i sometimes feel like it is the church that is at least partially to blame for this. Sunday morning worship has become merely a routine, and sometimes it's just a show as much as anything. Just some people up on stage playing some music that people sing along with. and even some things that are meant to get people to focus on worship and on God have just become part of the act(stuff like a scripture reading between songs, and that kind of thing). this sounds kind of harsh even to me, and its not really my intent to attack the church and say they are failing or doing a poor job in terms of worship, and certainly they can not take all the blame. People in our culture, for whatever reason(this would be a whole other topic if i got into it) have become apathetic, and this is brought into the church from the outside and i think that is in part what i see when i observe other people...just a lack of caring/enthusiasm for worship(and probably many other areas as well).
The end result of all this is that i just do not see alot of what i would consider "Authentic/from the heart kind of worship" when people gather together, and this is a sad thing. I do not suppose to know what to do about this if there is anything to be done, but maybe the church needs to try some new or different things in their worship services, something that will maybe challenge people and force them or help lead them out of their apathy into a focused on God, heartfelt, realtionship building time of worship. like i said, i do not know what this looks like or what needs be done, but this is something that has been weighing on me recently.

I hope that this made at least a little sense, as i kinda just wrote what came to mind and i'm not sure if it all follows or if i left stuff undealt with, or what, but i wanted to get it out and try to at least start to make some sense of it for myself. if you have any additional thoughts or comments, then please feel free to let me know. another person's input and opinions are golden, and to be listened to(even if they don't always have it right).
i guess that's about it for now. adios